I didn’t even think Kerry could stoop this low…
This is a map that I have recently obtained from my secret government source. As you can tell, something just isn’t right. If you look carefully, you’ll notice something. Every hurricane that has hit Florida has tracked through Republican counties and has not touched one Democratic one. Now, as many of you can recall, Florida was the deciding factor in the 2000 election, and may very well be in the upcoming one. So, instead of trying to tour and win over swing voters, I believe the left has conspired with some sort of Indian tribe or possibly Ted Kennedy in some drunken enlightened state built a machine, to somehow influence the weather.
You may think it is impossible, but another state is suffering this fate as well. California, also only weeks away from election time, is being rocked by earthquakes. This can only be a retaliatory response by the GOP. If they figure that the Democrats are going to take Florida with natural disaster, they might as well take out largely Democratic California to balance out the left attacks. Actually this will give Bush 30 more votes, assuming that anyone in California will be left to vote, and will give him the election.
I believe the next attack will come from the Nader camp. Since, it is pretty obvious that Nader has a better chance of winning than I do of catching a Pugasus, his only choice will be total clown domination. Using his Green party power, him and Captain Planet are going to run amuck once again taking back the land with an army of trees and wolverines. Leaving us to be forced into a fascist life under PETA’s control. We will all be vegetarians, love each other, and eventually take part in the largest mass suicide ever. Thus the natural cycle of North American will complete once the Indians reclaim their land and the Buffaloes return to the prairies from the Eternal Fountain of Sauce.
So in conclusion, Hurricanes and Earthquakes suck, Kerry is an idiot, and how in the hell did this actually happen? Stupid Indians.
Wait 'til typhoon season bitches...