Tony’s Views on Reincarnation

  You play your cards right and you might end up one of these.. even Jesus

            I don’t think I’m the first to note that the world is not functioning as God would have it.  I’m not talking about wars, murder, rape or any of that irrelevant bullshit.  I’m talking about what’s rightfully mine.  You see, we don’t need a government or the United Nations or NATO to run things.  I should be running things, alongside the likes of Stephen Hawking, the big motorcycle guy, and the lady who writes for Reader’s Digest.  You see what we all have in common?  Let me explain.

 

            The way it works is this: You live, you die, you’re reincarnated, and you come back slightly smarter, wiser, and with slightly less expected of you.  This can be the only reason for why I am so intelligent but lack the motivation to do anything but bitch about people not doing things for me.  God’s hierarchy is not functioning!  I shouldn’t HAVE to go to school.  I am now an archangel, as I’m up to a 162 IQ, a big step up from when I was a black soldier in the Civil War.  Retards are God’s janitors.  They should be doing the dirty work.  They aren’t special; I am fucking special!  You work hard for a bunch of lifetimes, then once you get up to where I am, you should be able to take a permanent vacation, until God is done incarnating you and is ready to have you up in Heaven, where the whole system starts over again, and even the smartest people on Earth are little Special Eds in comparison.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to have wasted all those lives working for what I now have. 

 

            My proposal for how to fix this little problem is simple.  Every official, ruler, president.. anyone in charge of ANYTHING that doesn’t deserve it will seek God’s counsel, and should he or she refuse to step down and confess his deep sins, he or she must be killed immediately.  Once done, on national television, his entire family will be slaughtered.  Including the 20th cousins.  Only then will I be permitted to Become.  Mr. Hawking and I will be fair rulers, I assure you.  I know he may have some very special needs, like a mechanic for his rocket ship chair, but all I require is an always-stocked and packed bar, boobs and servants. 

 

            The consequences of your current actions and further inaction will be grave. God will not stand for this!  He and I have been talking frequently.  We will come in the night, swooping down on the unworthy like hawks, with piano wire.  Fare thee well, and know this: Judgment Day is upon you. 

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