Should
Paul Hamm Give Up His Gold?
I, like so many of you, have pondered this question
intensely. If you have not been
watching the Athens Olympics, specifically the male gymnastics routines, I'm
sure you've heard about this on the news. The
nasal-voiced gay man, Paul Hamm, won the all-around gold.
This event has invoked cries of outrage in Koreans, Russians, Americans
and pelicans alike! Yang Twang-Dong didn't get his extra .3 points to start with!
Paul fell off the bar in one event!
This can't be happening! OH
MY GOD THIS WILL DIRECTLY AFFECT MY LIFE FOR YEARS TO COME AND I CAN'T FUCKING
BREATHHEHEE>.
Give me a break, people. Judges
are chosen because they are deemed competent enough to be professional judges at
the Olympics. But, alas, we are all
human, save for the aforementioned pelicans.
None of us is infallible. Why,
then, is everyone going nuts, telling the young man to GIVE HIS MEDAL BACK?
If I'm Paul Hamm, I'm thinking, 'haha, you dumb fucks, I am officially
the best in the WORLD at spinning around on bars and dancing in a tutu, so go
fly a fucking egg!' Which is entirely justifiable.
He won it, fair and square. If
the judges aren't competent enough to decide, who is? You? I think
not! You can't even accomplish
simple tasks like reading and comprehending at the same time, you worthless,
whining moron. But, even after all
this, I am not to the real issue yet, which is this:
Who gives
a fuck about gymnastics?
These men are clearly
homosexual. I have seen video tapes
of locker-room atrocities that I cannot inform you of the nature of over this
medium. They have spent their
entire lives training intensely to be able to do one thing well:
be gay whilst dancing on high bars.
Arguing over a gold medal in gymnastics is like having a penis-size
competition with other like-minded males: even if you win, you're still just a
homo. Or something.
Like that 'running-in-the-special-olympics' one.
How witty of me!