Why is everyone retarded?
If you haven't heard by now, which I think is impossible, there is a flu shot shortage. For the last week, every news story I have seen, aside from the election, has been about the massive flu shortage in this country. This topic has raised many questions and concerns, but the bottom line is most Americans are assholes and they are the real problem.
Lets start off with the blame game; who's fault is it? Most old people interviewed are pissed and like to rant about how it's the government's and the President's fault that they are going to, and hopefully will, inevitably die this winter. How in the hell are you going to blame the President? Last time I checked, it wasn't in his job description to sit around the White House and make flu vaccines. If it was however, Bush wouldn't be filling the vials with influenza vaccine, but tasty A.1. Steak Sauce; so either way you lose. Why is it so hard to just accept to truth and make the best of it? The company who supplies the majority of our vaccines had to destroy them all weeks before flu season. It's horrible timing I know, but right now they are making the best of it. Since it's a British company, the United States has nothing to do with it. You may next bitch about why we don't make it in our own country, and somehow blame Bush once again. Well if the same assholes who are bitching about this whole thing wouldn't sue the companies who make these vaccines every time they do get sick, there may be a market for it. I know it's nice to just blame the government every time there is a problem and that it is fine. However, when you go on national TV and start spouting off your old people bullshit, it starts to piss me off.
I know most old people aren't like that, but there are enough out there that piss me off for all of them. So just out of spite, I plan on volunteering at as many old people homes as I can this season. You maybe asking how that will make my point. Well, what I didn't mention is that before I do, I'm going to contract the flu virus myself. This way all the old people die and I am left with a sniffle and a good conscious knowing I volunteered and made a difference in the world.
Who would care anyways? Old people suck. They
leech off my paychecks and cause my blood pressure to rise so much that blood
squirts out of my many orifices every time I drive. Seriously, old people
shouldn't drive. I guarantee every time one of them is on the road they are
either involved in or cause a major traffic incident. Who knows, with less
danger on the roads, my insurance may even go down.. hooray!
Despite my many ramblings, I think many people have overlooked the real reason for a flu vaccine shortage. It's not the President's fault, it's not even old peoples' faults for being worthless. Two factors can squarely be blamed for this problem. The first contributor for this god damned mess is the media. I was watching Nightline last night and during an interview, the CDC said that there was plenty of vaccines for all high priority people. Well if there is so many, why the shortage? Supplies are now running low because instead of being able to give it out to people who need it, the media has hyped this thing up so much that EVERYONE, not just people who really need it, are trying to get vaccinated. I don't know if they fear death, are to big of a pussy to deal with a fever and a stuffy nose, or just live their lives around television. If the news didn't work this up so much, the millions of idiots out there wouldn't be trying to get a shot for no reason. They have become so infatuated and worried with this news story that they now believe that they require a flu shot as well, and are taking down old people left and right with baseball bats and everything to ensure no sniffles. They are the second cause of this epidemic.
No worries, like always, I have a solution for them too. To go along with my giving nature this holiday season, I will once again be volunteering. This time however, I am going to lend my skills to medical clinics everywhere. Instead of trying to turn down the shit-heads between 10-50 years old that are perfectly healthy, I will give them shots. The only catch is, when one of these fuckers tries to get vaccinated because of their selfishness, instead of the flu vaccine, I will promptly inject them with HIV and any other diseases that may come from the syringes given to me by the heroine addicted hoboes. If that doesn't teach a valuable lesson to someone, then I'm open to more ideas.
So stop your whining and bitching. Most people out there don't need to be vaccinated right now. Let all the old people, babies, and quadriplegics get their medicine so we can all be happy. Quit being a pussy and just deal with it; a few days blowing your nose and eating your own vomit won't kill you, but it will kill everyone else mentioned. If you would stop thinking about reasons to complain, you might have time to consider other people than your healthy self. So in conclusion, LICK MY BUTT AND SUCK ON MY BALLS..... TEAM AMERICA, FUCK YEA!