Why eat babies when you can kill bears?
Meet your enemy
Cited from FoxNews.com; a man in Kentucky is facing a year imprisonment for shooting a Black Bear in his own backyard. You may be asking yourself, “But Ryan, who gives a fuck about bears? They’ve been raping our children and pissing on our pies for years”. Well apparently these useless creatures are making a come back in Kentucky, and since some hippie asshole claims that bears seldom attack people; the people are ready to make their stand. I don’t get it, why must we all stand up for the animals now and days? Like for some reason animals all of a sudden have feelings and since they can obviously stand trial for themselves but are to fucking lazy to do so, we have to do it for them. ANIMALS SHOULD NOT BE TREATED LIKE HUMAN BEINGS. If we are going to, then I propose we do more than just be equal with them in court.
Ideas to put animals on the same level as humans:
1. Abortions: Since the majority of animals’ sex-lives consist of rape, incest, and other homo-erotic exploits, I now have the right to abort any animal fetus I deem necessary. Only stipulation, this also now applies to humans, any fetus removed must be replaced with a different one from another species. This will cure the moral qualm for abortion, while at the same time providing a comical way to keep populations; because we all know it would be funny to watch a toucan give birth to a badger.
2. Job assignment: This only applies to you socialist countries out there, but hey, who isn’t? Every animal will be given a job that fits its appearance and special abilities (because in life everything can be an RPG). Examples: elephants will now be in charge of all colonoscopies, platipi will be responsible for all pap smears, and the mighty giraffe will replace all lesbians; ‘cause we all know black tongues are the longest. More to come..
3. Trading babies: I think the children of America will turn out much better if, instead of being raised by their parents, a pack of carnivores of some kind keeps them in line. Whether they are sleeping, playing, or actually misbehaving, any carnivore will keep them in order and always disciplined. You may be concerned about a few limbs being lost; now, this is a real possibility, and personally a disappointment if they don’t; however, it’ll just create more of the paraplegics you all seem to adore so much and look to for inspiration. More diversity!! Thank me later, assholes..
The point is, animals are just like every other group that seeks equality; they only want it when it benefits them. Women want total equality, yet they’ll be the first to bitch when you forget to open a door or compliment their hair. No one cares about your hair except you, and you don’t count. Don't talk about Affirmative Action, which is discrimination at its best by the way, you will be called a racist. Now we want animals to be equal with us. Until they get a job, are capable of speech and logical thoughts, and most importantly can mow my lawn, they will be my dinner, target practice, or date on a lonely night.
Animals like being raised in captivity and being bred for the sole reason of ending up in my toilet.